By: David Schultz

So what exactly do Jewish people do on Christmas? This question has puzzled the non-Hebraic population for years and perhaps it's time to reveal the secret. For years the options available to us members of the Tribe were quite limited, consisting primarily of dining out at a Chinese restaurant. Since 1998, Rob Tannenbaum and Sean Altman have been providing New Yorkers an alternative to mu shu and egg rolls with their "What I Like About Jew" revue. The vaudeville-style show, with its blend of acoustic music and wittily snarky comedy, has struck a chord with Jewish New Yorkers, who flock to the Knitting Factory for a different kind of Christmas celebration. This year's Knitting Factory shows are at the center of "What I Like About Jew's" Hanukkah length, eight day, seven show east coast tour, featuring stops in Boston and Washington D.C.

The brainchild of Sean Altman and Rob Tannenbaum, "What I Like About Jew" derives its energy from their comedic and musical talent. While immediately identifiable with "What I Like About Jew," they may be familiar to audiences from their other ventures. Altman, a skilled singer-songwriter, spent eleven years as a member of the a capella group Rockapella, appearing regularly on the PBS geography-themed game show "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego," before embarking on a solo career. Tannenbaum, when not serving as the music editor of Blender magazine, can be found on VH1, including this evening's "So Jewtastic," offering his insight on a variety of topics.

Not for the faint of humorous heart, Tannenbaum and Altman take great delight sarcastically tweaking Jewish stereotypes with a scathing and incisive wit designed to amuse the open-minded and offend the stodgy. In discussing "What I Like About Jew" with Earvolution, it became clear that no sacred cows exist and they are willing to poke fun at anything or anyone. Even their audience doesn't fall outside the scope of their humor. With a sly grin, Tannenbaum notes that he can't even recognize the audience anymore. "So many have curly hair and big noses, they blend together." Altman attributes another cause to the audience's homogeneity. "The bandages from their recent rhinoplasty."

With their Christmas performances, "What I Like About Jew" often expounds upon the commercialization of Christmas, especially as it pertains to its exclusion of the Jews, taking aim at the topic long before the traditional media uncovered the so-called "War on Christmas." The majority of the show consists of Tannenbaum and Altman's collaborative efforts, allowing them to vent their spleen about "Jews For Jesus" and take gleefully pointed gibes at Jewish rituals like circumcision ("A Little Off The Top") and of course, the Bar Mitzvah, ("Today I Am A Man"). Each will usually take a solo turn, Altman gravitating to his astutely observant ode to the Beatles, "Taller Than Jesus" and Tannenbaum opting to unleash an acidic elegy about the insufficiencies of J-Date or crooning a ballad for the ladies about how he's better looking than the guy they're going out with.

Altman and Tannenbaum invite their friends along to participate in the fun and willingly relinquish the stage to allow their guests to shine. Author Cindy Kaplan has become a staple of the Christmas shows, having performed on every Christmas Eve show since 1999. "It's impossible for us to imagine doing the show without her," says Tannenbaum. "But then she might ask us for more money, so I'll say it is possible to imagine doing the show without her." More demure, but no less caustic, Kaplan offers a highly comical set focusing on the alienation most Jews feel at Christmas before concluding with her musical fantasy about being married to Jesus ("Bride of Christ"). Tammy Faye Starlite, another regular guest, will once again bring her southern-Baptist revival meeting fervor, making her annual faux-sincere effort to show the Jews the error of their ways and convert the audience to her salaciously biblical ethos.

The show's genesis occurred during a 1997 Christmas Eve performance at the Bottom Line. Altman was hosting an a capella event and recalls Tannenbaum "begging" him to perform a holiday song he had written called "(Its Good To Be) A Jew At Christmas." While performing the song, they used the word "kike" on stage, much to the consternation of the Bottom Line's owner, who lectured Altman on the use of the verboten word. Altman recalls being chastised, "I'm not going to tell you can't use it, but I am going to tell you that a lot of people got upset." Rather than be cowed, the incident emboldened Tannenbaum. "It established our mission, how can we use the word 'kike' on stage."

Indicative of the show's humor, Tannenbaum and Altman cleverly work the derogatory epithet into their work. They remain unabashed by the strong feelings the term can engender. "For a very long time Jews have been the quiet minority, we're supposed to assimilate, not cause trouble, not make any noise," explains Tannenbaum. "Jews have been, for instance, very slow about claiming the terms of their oppression. For Asian-Americans, it's now routine for them to call themselves chinks, African-Americans use the n-word. Lesbians love to call themselves dykes but you get a Jew who calls himself a kike and 'O My God, call up Abraham Foxman.' Jews don't like other Jews to cause trouble."

Come 1998, the two capitalized on the Monica Lewinsky scandal, penning "Hanukkah for Monica," a song Altman recalls being "born out of trying to get airplay and sell records." With a repertoire of two songs, Altman and Tannenbaum invited every Jewish singer-songwriter they could find to join them for their first Christmas Eve Knitting Factory show. Relegated to one of the smaller performance areas, the two looked at the sold-out room and realized they were onto something. However, they also realized that the format of the show needed to change. "Once we start making dick jokes," says Altman, "someone can't sing a sensitive song about lost love. The performers who haven't gone over well are the earnest singer-songwriters." The show's evolution to its current mix of music and comedy came naturally. "Finding funny singer-songwriters isn't that easy," explains Tannenbaum. "Finding funny comedians is a little easier."

While most of the additions to the show have been successful, there have been some setbacks. The first attempt to branch the show out from Christmas to Rosh Hashanah went relatively unnoticed. Tannenbaum, who scheduled the show on the first night of the Jewish New Year, accepts the blame for the relatively empty house. "I decided we would perform on the one night that even bad Jews go to temple." Those who made it to that show missed a cameo appearance by pop star Moby who joined Altman and Tannenbaum on stage for a brief bit of improv comedy. "We converted him," brags Tannenbaum.

Another misstep involved the inclusion of pornography czar Al Goldstein. Having read an article that a destitute Goldstein was working as a celebrity greeter at the Second Avenue Deli, Altman brought Goldstein into the "What I Like About Jew" fold believing that Goldstein was a "performance artist waiting to happen. Although neither of us had ever seen pornography, we'd heard of it," explains Altman with an almost-sincere innocence. "I thought that he might, as a Jew, be an interesting guest." Twenty plus rambling minutes of what loosely could be termed stand-up comedy later, the experiment wound up being "high concept in its awfulness." The pair talk about Goldstein with affection, appreciating his efforts, even forgiving him for failing to promote his "What I Like About Jew" participation on the Howard Stern show. "I'm not sure he remembered," recalls Tannenbaum. "Homeless people tend not to have great scheduling capacities. Checking his Blackberry was not on the top of his list of things to do."

Even though "writing smutty songs about being Jewish" remains essentially a hobby for Altman and Tannenbaum, "What I Like About Jew" continues to evolve. While there will always be room for the holiday classics like "Ruben The Hook-Nosed Reindeer," new songs are incorporated each year to keep the show fresh. Last year saw the inclusion of "Not Another Song About Our Dicks" and this year will see the inclusion of the Passover themed "They Tried To Kill Us (We Survived, Let's Eat)." The upcoming shows will double as a tour in support of Unorthodox, "What I Like About Jew's" debut release, featuring Tannenbaum and Altman's most ambitious and ingeniously devilish compositions. While Altman's very active solo career gives him an outlet for his more traditional songwriting, Tannenbaum's dreams of writing more conventional songs can be summed up concisely. "None," Tannenbaum unequivocally replies.

Despite the indisputable success of "What I Like About Jew," the shows have met with some backlash from those who find the humor offensive. "People see the title, 'What I Like About Jew,' and figure it's going to be Israeli folk dancing," reasons Altman. "Then right off the bat, we come out with the dick jokes and people have gotten up and left. We take that as a badge of honor."

"In the first song when we rhyme tuckus with sukkos, I hear a couple of chairs scraping and little orthopedic shoes walking towards the door," jokes Tannenbaum. Chuckling, they go on to describe the surreal experience of being heckled at a benefit concert by an offended mother.

Going beyond concerns of content, the most serious accusation leveled against Tannenbaum and Altman is that they are self-hating Jews. The two are undaunted by the allegation, but being Ivy league educated guys, make an effort to understand the motivations of their detractors. "There's a Yiddish expression, 'a shanda fur die goy,' meaning it's an embarrassment that the non-Jews should see us acting this way, cause it will reinforce everything that they ever thought about Jews," explains Altman. "It's a fine line, neither of us is religious, but we both feel tremendously connected to our people and our culture and we're not alone. Obviously we've struck a chord with a lot of secular Jews. It's possible to enjoy the rituals and the culture and also want to make fun of it," he concludes. "There's something very affectionate about making fun of your people."

Tannenbaum confronts the issue from a different perspective. "Doing a show is often as close as Sean and I get to going to synagogue." Taking the thought further, he likens "What I Like About Jew" to attending temple. "We're surrounded by Jews. It gives you a sense of community, but it's not in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew." Breaking into an impish grin, Tannenbaum comes to a profound conclusion. "So our shows are actually better than temple."

Tannenbaum takes exception to charges of being self-hating. "The idea of a secular Jew is unique to Judaism. You don't hear people talk about being a secular Muslim or a secular Christian and, for secular Jews, it's good to have a way to stay in touch with your sense of Jewishness. For religious Jews it's easy, you go to temple, but if you're a secular Jew, how do you stay in touch with your history, your legacy?"

When confronted with the suggestion that one doesn't keep in touch with their Judaism by mocking it, Tannenbaum smirked and reacted profanely. Altman responded with more considered aplomb. "I really don't think we're mocking it, we're reveling in our Jewishness but not in the religious aspect of it. We're reveling in the food, in the relationships; we're reveling in the trappings of Jewishness. Not necessarily the religious aspect." Seeing as they have obviously given the idea some reasoned thought, the question remains, are they bothered by such accusations? "No," says Tannenbaum, "cause we're usually pretty drunk."

Regardless of criticism, "What I Like About Jew" has definitely resonated with large numbers of Jews. From its origins as a one night Christmas Eve novelty show, Altman and Tannenbaum now sell out multiple night runs in New York, Massachusetts and Washington, D.C. Tannenbaum is fond of saying that they will bring their show wherever there are Jews, usually following the promise by noting that a tour of Mississippi will probably not happen anytime soon. Beyond bringing the show to the people, Tannenbaum jokingly considers expanding the franchise, wondering about the potential success of "What I Like About Mormons" or "What I Like About Seventh Day Adventists." When presented with "Instant Kwanzaa," "Ob La Di, Ra Ma Dan, Life Goes On" or "Islam Lies Down On Broadway" as potential brand-growers, Tannenbaum groans. "Make it clear that you came up with those," he instructs.

Musically, "What I Like About Jew" comes right out of the subversive, Phil Ochs-ish style coffeehouses where singer-songwriters hone their witty, topical repertoire. However, Altman and Tannenbaum approach the show with a very punk attitude. While working on new songs, Altman's wife, opera singer Inna Dukach, frustratingly inquired, "well, I hope it's not another song about your dicks." Thus, the impetus for "Not Another Song About Our Dicks." Exemplifying all that is punk, Tannenbaum maintains a defiantly rebel attitude. "The best way to get us to do something you don't want us to do is to tell us not to do it."

The "What I Like About Jew" 2005 schedule:

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Boston, MA
Ryles
212 Hampshire Street in Inman Square
Cambridge, MA 02139
Showtimes: 7:30 and 10 p.m.
Tickets $15
Special Guest: Carla Ulbrich

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Northampton, MA
Iron Horse
20 Center Street
Northampton, MA 01060
Showtime 7 p.m.
Tickets $15 advance, $18 at the door
Special Guest: Carla Ulbrich

Thursday, December 22, 2005
Philadelphia, PA
Tin Angel
20 S. Second Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
Showtimes: 7:30 and 10 p.m.
Tickets $12
Special Guest: Adam Brodsky

Saturday, December 24, 2005
New York, NY
Knitting Factory
74 Leonard Street
New York, NY 10013
Showtimes: 7 and 9 p.m.
Tickets $18 ($22 at the door)
Special Guests: Elon Gold, Jackie Hoffman (late show),
Cynthia Kaplan, Tammy Faye Starlite

Sunday, December 25, 2005
New York, NY
Knitting Factory
Showtimes: 6 and 8 p.m.
Tickets $18 ($22 at the door)
Special Guests: Todd Barry, Jackie Hoffman, Cynthia Kaplan

Monday, December 26, 2005
Washington, D.C. area
Birchmere
Alexandria, VA
Showtime: 7:30 p.m.
Tickets $17.50
Special Guests: Adam Brodsky and Eric Schwartz

Tuesday December 27, 2005
Annapolis, MD
Rams Head Tavern
Annapolis, MD
(410) 268-4545
Showtime: 8 p.m.
Tickets $22.50
Special Guests: Adam Brodsky and Eric Schwartz

Labels: Rob Tannenbaum, Sean Altman, What I Like About Jew